“It’s like a scene from Apocalypse Now,” said Tri Zeta member Fannie Lou Elizabeth Beauregard. “I had to turn my only bed sheet into a toga so now I have nothing to sleep on. At least my squishmallows are keeping me warm.”

Beauregard isn’t alone in her struggle. As Fraternity Court’s annual toga party draws closer and closer, hundreds of Greek Life members have been left to brave Chapel Hill’s cold February nights without sheets, blankets and pillow cases. 

Members of the Phi Beta Epsilon fraternity have resorted to sleeping in a massive dog pile in their chapter room as they wait for the upcoming party. One member, who clarified that he’s straight but asked to remain anonymous, said he’s starting to feel a little too close to his fellow man.

“I love my fraternity brothers and everything, but I never signed up for spooning my little to sleep every night,” he said. “This just can’t go on.”

Following the initial announcement of the party, brothers and sisters stormed the local Target in a futile effort to purchase their costume materials. On the evening of Feb. 25, Franklin Street was so crowded that news crews began airing theories about a “delayed-impact Duke rush.”

Target’s meager inventory of eight twin-sized bed sheets were bought up in a matter of minutes, leaving the masses to fend for themselves. Some resourceful students devised intricate plans to purchase King-sized sheets and cut them in half in an effort to crudely fashion their togas, but those inventories did not last much longer. 

One Greek Life correspondent, Bradwick Chadilac, who recently completed Econ 101 with a B+, agreed to shed light on the complicated supply and demand issues plaguing Fraternity Court. 

“Basically hella people heard about the toga party coming up and the supply–I mean the demand–went crazy,” Chadilac said. “When I got to Target the sheets had all been bought up. The demand definitely outweighed the supply and the negative externality is that I’ve been sleeping without bed sheets for the last four days.” 

Desperate party-goers stricken by Chadilac’s externality seem to have taken extreme measures to acquire their costumes, as Chapel Hill Police Department reported a spike in bed sheet burglaries over the last two weeks. (Oddly enough, all other cases of theft have reached record lows—it is unclear if the two trends are related).

All of Chapel Hill is feeling the shocks of these burglaries: even those previously deemed untouchable. The night before the UNC-State game, RJ Davis himself was reported to be a victim of the “Sheet Snatcher” and was unable to take his pre-game nap without his Looney Tunes bedding.

It’s safe to say that the sleeping situation has become dire in Chapel Hill. Fraternity social chairs have been left second guessing their decision to do a toga party in February, with some claiming they wanted a pajama party all along.