Recent News
UNC Honor Court introduces thought crimes
Starting this fall, UNC’s student conduct guidelines will include a new, controversial rule: “Students may not think, ponder, or contemplate anything negative about UNC-Chapel Hill or its administration.”
Carolina North’s Brand New North Carolina Feel
Last week, we sat down with Lee Roberts to discuss his vision for the upcoming campus expansion project, Carolina North. Our reporters had one pressing question: How did he think…
Carrboro College to open its doors to new students in fall 2026
Housing crisis – overpacked facilities – Lenoir dining hall – you name it! This nonexhaustive list of grievances against the fine institution of UNC Chapel Hill is the reason many…
Answering your FAQ: The UNC Health/Campus Health Merger
In these unprecedented times, the Oh Well is dedicated to maintaining transparency with the UNC community. Swipe for answers to the student body’s most burning questions about the UNC Health/Campus…
How the Grinch Stole the First Amendment
Every student in Chapel Hill liked free speech a lot… But the Grinch up in South Building most surely DID NOT!
“My dog ate my Canvas assignment” and other excuses for late work
Check out some creative excuses for getting away with late work at UNC.
An Interview with Lee Roberts about his plan to make UNC more walkable
Last week, one of our correspondents sat down with UNC Chancellor Lee Roberts on behalf of The Oh Well to talk about his new plans to renovate campus. Here is…
New “School of AI” to cause rapid sea-level rise in Bowman Gray Pool
Reporters for campus’ fourth-most prominent newspaper The Daily Tar Heel confirmed in early October that the School of Data Science and Society will combine with the School of Information and…
Student attends HellLife event instead of HeelLife: leaves exorcised
“I thought it was the Halloween update,” said Ann Nabelle, a UNC freshman. “I just wanted to make friends,” she said, “since the only ones I’ve made so far are…
I LIVED IT: I was the first senior held back for CLE deficit
Yup. You read that right.I transferred into UNC in the spring of 2023. I remember it like it was two years ago; the dishes argument with my bitch roommate Sam…
Davis Library to be sawed in half amidst budget cuts
Amidst the 70 million dollars in budget cuts, Chancellor Lee Roberts announced Monday that Davis Library would be “strategically reducing in height” by sawing off the top 5 floors and…
Carolina Dining Services experiences unprecedented backups after students download Subway Surfers on kiosks
This fall, Carolina Dining Services introduced new kiosk ordering stations for many of its on-campus dining locations. These kiosks, resembling giant iPads, allow students to conveniently skip out on human…
UNC places professor on administrative leave following alleged affiliation with ‘anti-bad, anti-evil’ organization
Perhaps most disturbing are the testimonies from Dixon’s students. “He always assigned very reasonable readings, and made sure to treat everyone in the classroom with the utmost respect,” said sophomore…
UNC hacks for incoming freshman
We know the first week of class can be stressful for first-year students, so The Oh Well put together a list of helpful hints for your time here at UNC.…
WHAT IS DIPHI?
An Official The Oh Well Biopic
DiPhi is a philanthropic society with a few simple roles here at UNC, such as advising the BoG, promoting the arts, and making regular…
Student expelled after confusing St. Patrick’s Day with National Chase Gingers Day
After mistaking St. Patrick’s day with what she calls “National Chase Gingers day,“ Sally Stephenson charged a group of redheads outside of Wilson Library. The stampede made it to Franklin…
UNC responds to demands on lead water: “Pepsi OK?”
Last week, the UNC Board of Trustees met to discuss the future of lead in UNC’s pipes. The debate is overshadowed by a larger conversation about the university’s contract with…
After success on campus, UNC plans to go global with Whiteness
Next semester, UNC will offer a course called ‘GLBL 383 – Global Whiteness.’ We’re confused why it’s not part of the new School of Civic Life and Leadership, but we…
UNC opens North Carolina Surgical Hospital: only problem is, it’s full of bees!
Earlier this year, UNC opened the North Carolina Surgical Hospital, a state-of-the-art facility built specifically for cutting-edge, life-saving surgeries. Now, several months after the grand opening, hospital staff are speaking…
ChatGPT to replace faculty in new honor court
After breaking an over century-long precedent of student leadership earlier this year, UNC’s Honor Court announced plans to continue shifting paradigms. Disappointed by the performance of the newly-appointed staff that…
UNC Campus shifts 30 feet to the left
Earlier this morning, in an unexplainable socio-economic and environmental phenomenon, the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill’s beloved campus shifted approximately 30 feet to the left.
UNC introduces new requirements for first-year students
Transitioning from high school to college is a rough journey for most first-years, so the UNC administration has implemented some new curriculum requirements and policies to help them.
Was UNC Admissions responsible for the surplus of pollen this spring?
It’s a tale as old as time. A Chapel Hill resident, spurred on by the bright sunny spring weather, steps outside, ready to enjoy the day—only to get attacked by…
Davis Library imposes a minimum decibel requirement for exam week
As the semester winds down and exams amp up, Davis Library is welcoming an influx of students through its doors. In preparation, library administration agreed to implement a minimum decibel…
UNC Health’s Optometry Branch still working overtime after solar eclipse
The partial solar eclipse earlier this month left hundreds of UNC students suffering from retinal damage after staring at the sun unprotected. The Optometry Department will be backlogged until the…
Flagpole makes smokers uncomfortable, new spot requested
Smokers are commonly seen on campus under the flagpole in the quad, a spot situated well over 100 feet from any university building, the boundary for smoking on campus
Lee Roberts found hiding in bottom of Wilson Library during solar eclipse
Another solar eclipse is here, and that means a wave of solar glasses, burnt retinas and nostalgia for the simpler times of 2017. In Chapel Hill, the eclipse is expected…
UNC administration finds ConnectCarolina too user friendly, plans to take action
The smooth registration process for the Spring 2024 semester sparked concerns among the UNC Chapel Hill administration that students are becoming too comfortable with the current format of ConnectCarolina, the…
No harm, no foul: Someone wiped Greenlaw off the map
This morning, an investigation by the Onyen found that Greenlaw Hall, UNC’s historic English department building, exploded two weeks ago. When told the news, Interim Chancellor Lee Roberts said, “What?…
UNC opens conservative, anti-social justice warrior building: the Campus X
After popular demand, the University just announced its newest building: the Campus X
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