The Gimghoul Historic District is home to a plethora of beautiful and well-maintained homes. Garbage bins hidden by stone walls, matching black mailboxes and perfectly manicured bermuda grass flanks every flat, unmarred sidewalk square. But at the end of the street lies a deviation, a thorn in the side of every do-gooder in the immediate vicinity. For years, the shrubs in front of UNC’s resident castle, owned and operated by the secret society known as the Order of Gimghoul, have been large, unruly and frankly too majestic for the neighborhood they’re in.

In a stunning turn of events, Gimghoul Castle has fallen prey to the neighborhood’s Homeowners Association. After a long and arduous battle fought over several weeks, the Order of Gimghoul submitted to the demands of the Homeowners Association (HOA) and hired a team of gardeners to prune their towering bushes.

Eric Clemmons, the president of the HOA for the Gimghoul Historic District and the next door neighbor of the castle, commented on the recent turmoil. 

“It just would be unfair if their lawn was treated any differently than the other houses in the neighborhood,” Clemmons said. “It doesn’t matter that they have turrets and secrets and the rest of us don’t. If they want all the benefits of living in this neighborhood, they have to follow the landscaping rules.”

On March 8, the Order of Gimghoul was told they must remove their shrubbery by the end of the month or else they would be removed from the neighborhood club, which gives members access to an exclusive pool and gym. Over the next several weeks, several threatening displays were left at the houses of HOA board members, including several dead birds, the blood of a goat and several appeal letters.

“They really were willing to do anything to get the violation dropped,” said Clemmons in an interview, standing in front of his quaint ten-bedroom house next door to the neighborhood castle. “I see the director of the Order at the pool almost every day, swimming laps, so it makes sense that they want to keep their access.”

Indeed, the director of the Order of Gimghoul spends much of his time at the neighborhood pool. The director, Damian Locklear, is a tall, thin, man with a white goatee that outlines a nearly permanent scowl, and according to one lifeguard at the pool, he likes to “just float around” in the shallow end of the pool for eight hours a day—far more than any other neighbor.

“He just sits in there all day, splashing around and floating,” the lifeguard said. “Whenever somebody else comes in to swim laps or do aerobics or something, he pretends he’s taking a break from swimming laps, but then he just goes back to floating around when they leave.”

Locklear declined an interview when asked for comment. 

It seems that Locklear’s aquatic nature is what finally led the Order to prune its bushes. According to our anonymous source, the Order’s pool membership was set to expire on March 29, and they submitted to taming the hedges late in the day on March 28.

It’s no wonder he’s sad to see the shrubs go. According to documents found in the Wilson Library archives, the iconic yaupon holly shrubs lining the front walk of the castle have been allowed to grow nearly untouched for over three decades—and reached an estimated height of 30 feet tall, in clear violation of the HOA’s five-foot-hedge rule. Before their timely haircut, these shrubs had begun to dominate all nearby manicured grass, turning into a “total eyesore” for neighbors, according to Clemmons.

It was a long-fought battle, but Clemmons said he was pleased with the outcome. 

“It’s only fair that everybody does their part in keeping our front lawns clean,” Clemmons said, watching the landscaping team hard at work. “That’s all there is to it. I do hope, now that the bushes are gone, that Damian can really appreciate all that the HOA does for him and the pool.”

Clemmons added that Damian muttered something cryptic and threatening to him that morning, but that he isn’t too worried.

“It was something about me having to pay for what I’ve done,” Clemmons said. “Friendly neighborly banter, I say. That’s what it all comes down to, isn’t it? Being a good neighbor.”