If you’ve ever spent any time on UNC’s campus, you have probably overheard this age-old debate circulating the campus community: Which floor of Davis Library is the farthest from the ground? It’s tempting to dismiss this question as an unsolvable mystery; however, we here at the Oh Well weren’t satisfied with such a cop-out. With the help of a really big ladder and a comically long tape measure, the case is finally closed. Stick around to see where your favorite floor stacks up! The answers might surprise you:

8. First Floor (of Davis Library)

Don’t get me wrong – it’s a great floor, especially if you hate doing work and love talking really loud. But vertically, the first floor leaves much to be desired. Since you don’t need any stairs to access it, the floor is actually on ground level, meaning it’s directly level with the ground. Yikes! Next, please.

7. Second Floor (of Davis Library)

This floor is higher than the first floor, but not by much. For this reason, the second floor comes in at number 7 on our list. (As a side note, I’m afraid of the people that study in the second floor cubicles. It’s like role-playing a cog in corporate America just to ChatGPT an ENGL 105 assignment.)

6. Third Floor (of Davis Library)

When finals season rolls around, you can find me here! I don’t have much studying to do as a humanities major, but I play hella Minecraft on this floor. I always make sure to sit near CompSci majors, just in case I have any questions, like “How do I summon the Ender Dragon?” or “How long has it been since you’ve showered?” In terms of height, though, the third floor is firmly lodged in the bottom half of the list. Sorry, little one.

5. Fourth Floor (of Davis Library)

Things start to get pretty exciting by the fourth floor. If you find your way up here, make sure you take the time to look out a window – you might be surprised to learn that you’re about four stories up from the ground! Though it isn’t a flashy floor per se, its merit and reputation speak for themselves, earning the fourth floor the No. 5 slot on my altitude list.

4. Fifth Floor (of Davis Library)

Personally, I love the fifth floor. I always run up there to poop, even after that time my sophomore year when all the stall doors fell off their hinges. This seems to be a pretty common issue in Davis bathrooms. As far as Floor 5 goes, it’s one for serious students looking to take down big assignments – but if you’re looking for the tallest floor in Davis, you’re going to have to ride that terrifying elevator for a little while longer. Tip: don’t press number 5 on the elevator if you don’t want to end up on the 5th floor!

3. Sixth Floor (of Davis Library)

Deciding on the top three was an incredibly difficult task. In a perfect world, all three of the top floors deserve the praise and eternal glory that come with the “Tallest Floor” crown. In this contest, though, only one floor can take the cake, which is why I’ve placed the sixth floor in the three-slot. It’s a tall floor – one of the tallest out there! – but ultimately, I felt there were taller floors that deserved attention and commendation. Either way, thanks for everything, sixth floor. Better luck next time.

2. Seventh Floor (of Davis Library)

This is a floor for the daredevils out there, the ones who live a bit dangerously. If you do your homework up here, towering seven stories above the teensy ground, I hope you’re sitting on sturdy chairs that won’t crack under the weight of your massive balls. It’s an almost perfect floor; I was tempted to give it the number one slot, but at the end of the day, it’s just one story too short. There’s no shame in the silver medal.

Honorable Mention: The Bell Tower

A lot of people were surprised to see The Bell Tower robbed of a spot on this list. I hear you; The Bell Tower is one of the tallest things we have on campus. My first impulse was to rank it in the top half, at least. However, The Bell Tower is not physically attached to Davis Library and therefore cannot technically be considered a floor, disqualifying it from the running. I’ve thrown it in as an honorable mention anyway because it’s just that awesome. Anyone who’s ever heard that “gong, gong” sound knows exactly what I’m talking about.

1. Eighth Floor (of Davis Library)

I didn’t believe it either at first, but our research found that the tallest of Davis Library’s eight floors is in fact the eighth floor! Think about how tall the seventh floor is, and then add the height of another whole floor. Then, and only then, can you begin to fathom the scope of things. Sure, it’s not the best floor to study on– it’s eerily quiet and sometimes home to scores of naked creeps– but if you’re looking for the highest altitude in Davis, look no further. This is, without a doubt, the tallest floor in the entire library. Well played, eighth floor. Well played. History will remember your name for sure.