“You’ve really been studying hard lately,” announced Interim Chancellor Lee Roberts at the dinner table late Wednesday evening, “and great job making your bed today; me and your mom are proud of you.”

Roberts’ pride was on display as he allowed us to stay up a full 30 minutes past our bedtime. Plus, he let us watch Eragon, even though it gave us nightmares last time.

While some of the student body have protested the amount of time he spends with Mom, Roberts has promised to buy us a new bike. A shiny red bike with blue and white streamers, and all the trimmings. Mom said that we have to put lame safety headlights on it, but Roberts snuck us a cheeky wink.

Sophomore Molly Elliot says she remembers seeing the bike in the storefront window on her way to school. “I would press my nose against the glass and picture the look on my neighbor Tommy’s face when he sees me cruising down the block on that puppy.”

Some students alleged that Roberts is only getting us the bike to make us feel better after former Chancellor Kevin Guskiewicz forgot it was his weekend to watch us. Others, like senior Sam Audry, disagree.

“We’ve earned this bike. We’ve been doing much better brushing our teeth. Except for Sunday, when we fell asleep on the couch, reading Captain Underpants,” said Audry. “Which isn’t our fault.”

Since Roberts has started sleeping over, he’s taken clear steps to fill the role left by Guskiewicz. And though we’ll always cherish that time Guskiewicz took us camping and we caught a big fish and he didn’t yell that much when we dropped it in the lake, we’re grateful Roberts is becoming the male role model we need.