As the semester winds down and exams amp up, Davis Library is welcoming an influx of students through its doors. In preparation, library administration agreed to implement a minimum decibel requirement for the first and second floors of the building. Here is the inside scoop, recorded from an interview with veteran Davis librarian, Thelma Shhhherman.

“I’m sure you’re aware of how loud the library usually is,” Shhhherman told Onyen. “What most people don’t know is that the chittering is intentional. We found that the more students talked, the longer they stayed in the library. The longer they stay in the library, the more work they get done, right? Right?”

No matter how you feel about that optimistic assumption, it is reassuring to know that the library staff cares so deeply about our productivity. Still, one question remains: why exam week?

“Students tend to get a bit too focused while studying for exams,” Shhhherman said. “They stop talking to each other and just stare at screens and books instead. It’s horrible for their concentration! With this decibel minimum, students are incentivized to keep the volume up to at least 40 dB. Otherwise, we’ve rigged the building to explode.”

Okay, scratch that– two questions remain. What happens at night, when the building is empty?

Shhhherman had the answer we needed. “We have some of the newer staff members sit on the stairs and scream in 30-minute shifts. Really, it kills two birds with one stone. They keep the building from detonating overnight, and it scratches their voices to that signature librarian-whisper by the time they clock in for their next shift.”

Sounds reasonable to me! Thanks, Thelma, and good luck finishing out this week, dear Onyen readers. May the bluebook be ever in your favor!