Next semester, UNC will offer a course called ‘GLBL 383 – Global Whiteness.’ We’re confused why it’s not part of the new School of Civic Life and Leadership, but we like the idea. Because we recognize the importance of whiteness in a global sense, we’d like to expand the course and propose a robust ‘Global Whiteness Studies’ track in the Global Studies department. Here are the proposed courses set to be offered in Spring 2025:

• GLBL 101 – Intro to Global Whiteness: Multiculturalism and Ariana Grande

This course will explore the infinite shades and accents of whiteness. This is an entry level course. 

GLBL 101L – The Application of Sunscreen

• This is the lab section of GLBL 101. This course is cross-listed with The School of Civic Life and Leadership (SCLL) and Sun Protection Factor (SPF).

• GLBL 202 – Exotic Cuisine: Handling Spice in London 

This course includes a spring break excursion to London, where the class will find the origins of Indian food, dissect Black Pudding, ‘go for a Mexican,’ and ‘go for a Chinese.’ This course is pass/fail. Either you can handle the spice or you can’t.

• GLBL 230 – Black Squares: Reparations in the digital age

What do you owe Instagram? Global Whiteness contributed so much to Social (Media) Movements in 2020. This course will explore the quintessential question: Is there anything more to give?

• GLBL 280 – Marine Photography

Posing with a fish for a Tinder profile is hard; that’s why only white men do it. This course will expose the secrets of the trade.

• GLBL 303 – Anime and Sexuality

You definitely know someone from high school who would be aroused by this course. Please refer them. The prerequisite for this course is White Men with an Asian Fetish: Please decolonize my family (GLBL 130).

• GLBL 420 – The History of Hip-Hop, from Eminem to Jack Harlow 

Hip-hop was invented in 1996 by Eminem. Since then, it has become a global phenomenon. This course will explore the cultural origins of hip-hop and whiteness. This course will be taught by Chancellor Lee Roberts, who “swears he has white friends.”

• GLBL 501 – Applauding Heroes: Clapping when the plane lands

Not all heroes wear capes. Often, our biggest heroes go unappreciated and unrecognized. This course will explore the art of appreciation and sacrifice in Global Whiteness. The prerequisite for this course is MUSC 442 – Clapping on the 1 and 3.

• GLBL 520 – Get Out: The legacy of Clarence Thomas

This course will compare the plot of Jordan Peele’s Get Out to the life of Clarence Thomas. Students will learn that whiteness is often where you least expect it. 

• GLBL 590 – The Fundamentals: Passing a basketball

What happened to the fundamentals? What happened to Larry Bird? This course is an attempt at reviving the whiteness of basketball culture. Guest lecture from Brady Manek. The course will also explore the essence of a ‘pocket passer,’ like Joe Flacco and Alex Smith.

• GLBL 698 – White Women: Intersectionality and Whiteness

This is a critical ethnic studies capstone course. Students will choose their own research topics. Past topics have included: Why is my mother so mean to service workers? When did we make the cultural switch from Hydroflask to Stanley? and How can I drink Starbucks without getting canceled? 

It’s a shame; today’s students do not learn nearly enough about White history. Yet, Global Whiteness is undeniable. Our proposed curriculum would give Global Whiteness Studies students the necessary breadth of Whiteness. They always say: “The sun never sets on Global Whiteness… it’s global.”