Last week, the UNC Board of Trustees met to discuss the future of lead in UNC’s pipes. The debate is overshadowed by a larger conversation about the university’s contract with PepsiCo. “LeadWater is Pepsi’s finest product,” one trustee noted, “legally, we cannot stop serving it to freshmen.”

Most trustees were in favor of keeping the LeadWater, one citing Carolina’s “commitment to Leadership.” Other trustees spoke on personal experiences: “In Greensboro, I provide all my low-income tenants with LeadWater. They love it. Plus, it allows me to charge higher rent.” Everyone at the meeting seemed to be interested in the prospect of charging freshmen higher fees.

The meeting included a brief presentation from a PepsiCo representative on what it means to be ‘LEAD Certified.’ The representative used the Genome Sciences Building as an example, which “everyone adores.” The Oh Well Editorial Board notes that the Genome Sciences Building is LEED Certified, an environmental design certification. We have found no evidence of LEAD Certification.

The majority of trustees only voiced apprehension at one point in the meeting, when the Chair clarified with the PepsiCo representative, “none of this applies to Granville Towers or Kenan-Flagler, correct?” The trustees were relieved to hear it didn’t.

Two trustees voiced their frustrations with LeadWater. Trustee Cola said he’d like to see UNC transition from PepsiCo to Coke products. “I have – sorry, we have a lot to gain by becoming a Coke school.” The Oh Well Editorial Board notes that UNC is already a coke school, as uncovered by the DEA in 2020.

The UNC Student Body President, prying the duct tape off of her mouth, voiced one final complaint as the meeting came to a close. “What if your kids went here? Would you want them drinking LeadWater?” she asked. The trustees cackled. “My youngest graduated 50 years ago,” one wheezed.