I’ve spent a fair amount of time in the Franklin Target; it’s actually one of my favorite places to hang out. I like the parts where you can choose what you want to buy, like a trashcan or some Q-tips. Obviously, there’s a lot of foot traffic, so I end up overhearing a lot of interesting things while I’m browsing the sporting goods. Here are the top seven things I’ve overheard in the Franklin St Target.
1. “Is this where the self-checkout is?”
Yes, it is! You can tell from the fact that it is the self-checkout.
2. “Excuse me, where are the Target balls?”
This one is a classic. If you have been to the Franklin Target like me, you know that there aren’t any big, red balls outside. Instead, they’re in a hidden spot that I cannot disclose right now. You just have to trust me, as I’ve spent a lot of time in the Franklin Target. Probably way more than you.
3. “I’m having a really great shopping experience. Are you having a good sales experience?”
I love this one. It makes me so happy that they are having a great shopping experience. In fact, it makes me grin ear to ear and even cry a little bit.
4. “Do you guys have any non-Target brand butt plugs?”
Yes, we do have non-Target brand butt plugs. They’re in the butt plug aisle right around the corner. And let me know if I can help with anything else.
5. “Dean, will you please get back to work?”
That’s so funny. I bet Dean just got carried away checking out all of the awesome kitchen supplies. That happens to me a lot. I especially like looking around to see if they’ve restocked the colanders. Not yet! Sometimes, if they’re out of something, I’ll yell out, “Hey, Manager Leslie, we’re out of colanders!” Here at the Franklin Street Target, we’re a community.
6. “Cleanup in aisle My Underwear!”
Aw shucks, not again.
7. Dean, can you hear me? Dean, you’ve been stuck in here for 20 long years. It’s time to go home, Dean.
This is so fucked up. Turns out, I not only work at the Franklin Street Target, but I have also been in here for 20 years. I’m Dean. I thought I just enjoyed spending quality time with myself in the relaxing aisles of Target. I don’t know what to do. Fuck. Where’s my family. God, my family…
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