Last week, one of our correspondents sat down with UNC Chancellor Lee Roberts on behalf of The Oh Well to talk about his new plans to renovate campus. Here is the transcript of their conversation:

ZACH: You recently announced an initiative to make UNC more walkable. I’d love to know some of your plans.

LEE: Parking fucking sucks here.

ZACH: Yeah, I completely agree. I can never find a spot on Fr-

LEE: ya know where it doesn’t suck? Walmart.

ZACH: Walmart?

LEE: There’s more parking than store. 

ZACH: I thought you wanted UNC to be more walkable?

LEE: YOU CAN WALK IN WALMART!… You can walk a bunch in Walmart. You can even walk in the Employees Only section. They’ll yell at you, but you can walk there. 

ZACH: Let’s get back to UNC.

LEE: $1.25 corndogs.

ZACH: Cheap food on campus?

LEE: What? No, I was talking about Walmart.

ZACH: Maybe a partnership for affordable food?

LEE: A little more than that.

ZACH: A little Walmart on campus?

LEE: Big Walmart on campus. Huge.

ZACH: Where?

LEE: The arboretum. No one goes there.

ZACH: People go there! Freshmen hook up there!

LEE: 3 words: two family restrooms

ZACH: Ew.

LEE: You’re not seeing the big picture. The University of North Carolina at Walmart. A MILLION PARKING SPOTS. A BILLION PARKING SPOTS. YOU CAN WALK EVERYWHERE. EVEN THE EMPLOYEES ONLY SECTION. 76 FAMILY RESTROOMS. $1.50 CORNDOGS FOR PROFIT.

ZACH: Why do you want to destroy this school? Club-defunding, less art spaces, suspending international students, protesters? All of it, you kill. Rita? The BOLO workers? The people that make students actually like this school. They’re all gone? Even the bus drivers?

LEE: I already fired the bus drivers.

ZACH: Excuse me?

LEE: When was the last time you were on a bus? Me and the other cool kids ride scooters.