Housing crisis – overpacked facilities – Lenoir dining hall – you name it! This nonexhaustive list of grievances against the fine institution of UNC Chapel Hill is the reason many are making the switch to the new, much more niche and much less rah-rah Carrboro College.

Carrboro College is accepting transfer applications for the 2026-27 academic year. Application requirements include a 600-word essay on the significance of community based in equity and culture, a short-answer question describing the importance of joy as a form of resistance, and a tour and explanation of all piercings and tattoos. With a predicted acceptance rate of 10%, Carrboro College is emerging as one of the newest and most prestigious colleges in America.

Meantime Employees, WXYC DJs, and all queer baristas with a wolfcut, for that matter, have guaranteed admission. To apply for its honors college, you must have a minimum of 3 pairs of Jorts and Doc Martens and write an essay on which French Philosopher your personal style aligns with most.

A recommendation from a professor is encouraged, but a recommendation from a professor of the School of Civic Life and Leadership or any STEM professor automatically voids your application.

“I’m so excited to apply!” Says second-year UNC student Flaxon Chest. “I’m really nervous I won’t get in. I mean, my only extracurricular is my service frat, and I’m majoring in Biology. I wish I had chosen theater or anthropology. Damnit!”

Its dorms will reside within Weaver Street Market. Its classes will take place in various and famous Carrboro buildings (think NYU: the city is your campus). Some classes being offered this fall are WGST201: Always an Angel, Never a God – An Analysis of Boygenius’s Pride, Feminism, and Biblical ties; ENGL322: Speaking, Writing, and Leading like Zohran Mamdani; and OBE101: Introduction to Astral Projection. 

“Carrboro College is a place of serenity… self-celebration… and inclusion…” says Carrboro College Chancellor Smee Cloberts, as he hits his modded Miami Mint Geek Bar. “We take an interdisciplinary approach to learning in a place away, yet not so far from UNC.”

But do not be mistaken: Carrboro College is not a UNC rival.

“Yeah, our only sports are roller derby, softball, hockey, and men’s volleyball,” Says Cloberts, adjusting his septum piercing and crop-top. “To foster fun and inclusion, you know? I’d love to have a mixer with UNC’s teams, or something.”

Carrboro College’s mascot is a pride palm, and its school colors are red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. To show school spirit, be sure to give everyone you meet a high-five while exclaiming “Go Pride Palms!”