If you happen to overhear the gentle snipping of scissor blades from the sidelines this football season, be only mildly alarmed. No, these snips and clicks inside Kenan Stadium are not coming from an underground “athletes-only” barbershop.

In the week leading up to UNC Football’s first home game in the 2026 season, The Oh Well sent an investigator into the belly of the beast to get an exclusive look at how the team has adapted to rising public scrutiny.

The mysterious clipping sound? None other than University Head Football Coach Bill Belichick, anxiously trimming yet another inch off his sweatshirt sleeves.

Belichick’s cropped sleeves have always been his signature. But why? Because they’re more aerodynamic that way? Nope. Because they’re his personal style? Please. The truth is far more shocking.

Leading Bill-Belichickologists have confirmed that, many years ago, the Coach signed a Secret and Powerful deal with a Secret and Powerful genie—aptly named S.P. Genie (short for Secret and Powerful Genie).

In exchange for good luck on the field, S.P. Genie demanded a tax with interest on Belichick’s sweatshirt sleeves. Belichick agreed, debuting cropped sleeves at his very next game.

Years have passed, and after a disappointing 4–8 season in 2025, it seems that Belichick is willing to do whatever it takes to redeem his Tar Heels in 2026.

So, with every win, pay close attention: Does Belichick’s sweatshirt look a little breezier than it did last time? Hm… Let’s just hope he remembered an undershirt.