For years, there have been countless complaints from UNC students about the shortage of parking spaces on campus. Faced with this problem, the administration has decided to take matters into its own hands. This Wednesday, UNC approved the funding and construction of an all new parking garage in Arizona.

The parking garage will be built near Truxton, a census-designated place with a population of 104, located on Route 66. When asked about the choice of location, a source within the UNC administration told The Oh Well: “Why Arizona? Because it was cheaper, duh. Wait. Why are you taking notes? Actually, who even are you? What are you doing here? You need to get out of my office immediately.”

While the decision has been generally well-received, there is nevertheless some criticism regarding the location of the new building, which some consider a bit too far from campus.

“I mean, well, it’s better than nothing; but maybe they could have built it, say, in Texas—that would have been a little closer…,” one student explained.

Another student was delighted with the decision. “Once you’ve parked your car over there, you just have to take a flight— that’s what, 4 or 4½ hours? Once, the NU bus was 6 hours late, so we’re definitely better off this way.”

Construction will begin in 2032, and according to estimates from the UNC administration, is expected to be completed within our lifetimes.

The Oh Well asked the UNC administration where the funding for such a project—the exact cost of which has yet to be determined—would come from. 

A source familiar with the matter explained: “We have many potential funding sources. For example, we were recently exploring the idea of selling the organs of out-of-state students on the black market. We’re also considering selling the Quad to Palantir as a testing ground, so money really is not the issue here.”

The Oh Well will continue to cover this story and will keep its readers informed of any developments.