In an effort to solve the university’s housing crisis, UNC’s Undergraduate Admissions Office took unprecedented action by enrolling only 2 freshmen in the class of 2030. The students, Todd and Claire, shared their mixed opinions on the matter with The Oh Well.

“I knew the faculty-student ratio was pretty good here, but this is ridiculous,” Todd Everclear said in our exclusive interview. “I mean, I’m technically a sophomore by credits, so it’s kinda like there’s only one freshman. Right, Claire?”

Claire Clarington was not amused. “I’m transferring. This was not the experience I signed up for. I mean, I’m definitely getting a ZTA bid since there’s nobody else rushing, but…” She stepped aside, whispering into our reporter’s ear. “Todd and I like, lowkey had a situationship back in middle school. I don’t think he’s healed. I thought blocking him on Snapchat would be the last of it, but then I saw him at orientation. Only him.” She gripped our reporter’s shirt. “Help. Me.”

This story is still unfolding.