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“I thought it was the Halloween update,” said Ann Nabelle, a UNC freshman. “I just wanted to make friends,” she said, “since the only ones I’ve made so far are Casper and the Flying Dutchman, and no one can see them but me.”
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We get it. It’s Week 8 of class and you’ve already exhausted every bar in town. MAW? More like MID. StillLife? What are you, 12? With midterms approaching, the students of Chapel Hill need a new, secret spot to sip their spirits like never before. Swipe for a list of the best, albeit unorthodox, drinking spots on Franklin Street.
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Perhaps most disturbing are the testimonies from Dixon’s students. “He always assigned very reasonable readings, and made sure to treat everyone in the classroom with the utmost respect,” said sophomore and Middle Eastern Studies major Lex Luthor. “It was horrifying.”
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After mistaking St. Patrick’s day with what she calls “National Chase Gingers day,“ Sally Stephenson charged a group of redheads outside of Wilson Library. The stampede made it to Franklin Street’s very own He’s Not Here until Stephenson realized her mistake.
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Hey! Do you have no money? We get it. Tuition’s been paid and that Alpine Bagel won’t pay for itself. Suddenly eggs are expensive because some bird flew? Aren’t they supposed to do that? Well, have no fear! The Oh Well’s Financial Advice department is here to help you seize your entrepreneurial future and make some quick cash
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Students and community members have recently been reporting strange phenomena surrounding the Franklin Street Panera, seeing a slight increase with the seasonal release of its autumnal squash soup and strawberry poppyseed salad.
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After breaking an over century-long precedent of student leadership earlier this year, UNC’s Honor Court announced plans to continue shifting paradigms. Disappointed by the performance of the newly-appointed staff that replaced the students on Honor Court, administration has now entrusted artificial intelligence to administer disciplinary sanctions on behalf of the Court. The AI tool of choice, ChatGPT, will fulfill all obligations previously delegated to students to determine when violations of the Honor Code have occurred. The Office of the Chancellor has regarded this decision as a “positive change” that will “eliminate the bias of student-administered sanctions toward their peers.”
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Edible Campus, the gardening club that brings free produce to students at UNC, saw record numbers at Saturday’s gardening meeting early on April 20
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Smokers are commonly seen on campus under the flagpole in the quad, a spot situated well over 100 feet from any university building, the boundary for smoking on campus
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As the slow drip of winter thaws into spring, college students across the nation stretch out their hamstrings, lace up their sweatpants and gather around the TV to support their school’s most-skilled, least-paid basket-ballers. That’s right douchebag, it’s time for March Madness, and we here at The Onyen aren’t going to tell you what you want to hear, we’re going to tell you what you need to hear. So buckle up buttercup: these are Onyen sports reporter Bert Gerber’s answers to your most frequently asked questions.
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The top five reasons to watch Dune 2—although none of us actually had three hours to watch the movie
1. There’s sand, and lots of it Need I say more? The movie’s name is literally Dune—there’s got to be some amount of sand involved. Sand all over the screen for nearly three hours. What more could you want from a movie? Think of all the fun things you can do with sand. Imagine just sitting in some sand right now—wouldn’t your life be better? Most movies barely have any sand, and this one has a lot of it. I’m not sure what metrics you use for rating movies, but Dune 2 has got to be number one in the…
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On Friday night, hundreds of Carolina fans stormed Kyle Filipowski’s Durham apartment, joyously stampeding through his living room, kitchen and bedroom. Although no one was hurt, Filipowski spent most of the apartment-storming curled up in a little ball.
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This Wednesday afternoon, at 3:30 pm, several high ranking members of The Onyen found themselves hiding in the first floor men’s bathroom of McColl Building in the rightmost stall: the most prominent structure of Kenan-Flagler Business School.
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I found my life’s calling in the basement of Morrison dormitory. About 30 years ago, the Morrison RAs decided to have a talent show open to anyone on campus. They put everything they could into promoting it by hanging one 9 by 11 flyer in the lobby entrance. For me, this was the Super Bowl.
