Recent News
Top 5 things to tell your uncle this Thanksgiving
We know Thanksgiving can be a little stressful. Conversation is always difficult at the dinner table with all of your relatives. We’re here to help. Here are five conversation starters…
“My dog ate my Canvas assignment” and other excuses for late work
Check out some creative excuses for getting away with late work at UNC.
An Interview with Lee Roberts about his plan to make UNC more walkable
Last week, one of our correspondents sat down with UNC Chancellor Lee Roberts on behalf of The Oh Well to talk about his new plans to renovate campus. Here is…
Top 7 things I’ve overheard in the Franklin Target
I’ve spent a fair amount of time in the Franklin Target; it’s actually one of my favorite places to hang out. I like the parts where you can choose what…
New “School of AI” to cause rapid sea-level rise in Bowman Gray Pool
Reporters for campus’ fourth-most prominent newspaper The Daily Tar Heel confirmed in early October that the School of Data Science and Society will combine with the School of Information and…
Last minute Halloween costumes you can buy at the UNC Student Stores
Looking for a last minute Halloween costume? Don’t go all the way to Spirit Halloween! The Student Stores has you covered. Swipe to see some creative, last minute costumes you…
Student attends HellLife event instead of HeelLife: leaves exorcised
“I thought it was the Halloween update,” said Ann Nabelle, a UNC freshman. “I just wanted to make friends,” she said, “since the only ones I’ve made so far are…
I ate the clam chowder at Chase and now I am clairvoyant
I smelled it before I saw it. A pungent odor that could only be Fresh Never Frozen Clams from Walmart (Cesium-137 Free). I peered into the silver pot, as though…
I LIVED IT: I was the first senior held back for CLE deficit
Yup. You read that right.I transferred into UNC in the spring of 2023. I remember it like it was two years ago; the dishes argument with my bitch roommate Sam…
Davis Library to be sawed in half amidst budget cuts
Amidst the 70 million dollars in budget cuts, Chancellor Lee Roberts announced Monday that Davis Library would be “strategically reducing in height” by sawing off the top 5 floors and…
Spirit Halloween spawns in newly vacant Alpha Tau Omega house
It’s officially October, marking the crucial window in which Spirit Halloween stores start spawning in empty buildings across the country. In Chapel Hill, sources report that a Spirit Halloween has appeared…
Top 6 Spots to Drink on Franklin St.
We get it. It’s Week 8 of class and you’ve already exhausted every bar in town. MAW? More like MID. StillLife? What are you, 12? With midterms approaching, the students of…
Carolina Dining Services experiences unprecedented backups after students download Subway Surfers on kiosks
This fall, Carolina Dining Services introduced new kiosk ordering stations for many of its on-campus dining locations. These kiosks, resembling giant iPads, allow students to conveniently skip out on human…
UNC places professor on administrative leave following alleged affiliation with ‘anti-bad, anti-evil’ organization
Perhaps most disturbing are the testimonies from Dixon’s students. “He always assigned very reasonable readings, and made sure to treat everyone in the classroom with the utmost respect,” said sophomore…
“The Winter I Turned Ugly” tours scheduled at Duke this January
On Monday, September 29th, Duke University announced their limited-time “The Winter I Turned Ugly” tours. The Oh Well’s social scientists found that the announcement is just in time to ride…
UN-SATIRE: UNC to face the UCF Knights this Saturday, September 20th
In a shocking twist of fate that football experts are calling “not shocking” and “not a twist of fate,” the UNC Tar Heels are slated to take on the UCF…
He actually was there last night, and here is what He said
Last Tuesday was like any other Bluesday at He’s Not Here. That is, until Jesus Christ descended from Heaven and preached from the stairs. Here’s what Oh Well correspondent Matthew…
The Oh Well’s guide to joining clubs
Looking to put yourself out there? Look no further. Check out The Oh Well’s comprehensive guide to joining clubs.
UNC hacks for incoming freshman
We know the first week of class can be stressful for first-year students, so The Oh Well put together a list of helpful hints for your time here at UNC.…
WHAT IS DIPHI?
An Official The Oh Well Biopic
DiPhi is a philanthropic society with a few simple roles here at UNC, such as advising the BoG, promoting the arts, and making regular…
Student expelled after confusing St. Patrick’s Day with National Chase Gingers Day
After mistaking St. Patrick’s day with what she calls “National Chase Gingers day,“ Sally Stephenson charged a group of redheads outside of Wilson Library. The stampede made it to Franklin…
UNC responds to demands on lead water: “Pepsi OK?”
Last week, the UNC Board of Trustees met to discuss the future of lead in UNC’s pipes. The debate is overshadowed by a larger conversation about the university’s contract with…
After success on campus, UNC plans to go global with Whiteness
Next semester, UNC will offer a course called ‘GLBL 383 – Global Whiteness.’ We’re confused why it’s not part of the new School of Civic Life and Leadership, but we…
The Oh Well’s Guide to Finding Off-Campus Housing
Are you tired of that stinky old dorm room? Interested in venturing into the world of shared showers, toilets, kitchens, and living spaces, but in a house this time? OMG,…
Unexplained Phenomenon: Park at Panera for more than an hour and watch your car magically disappear
Students and community members have recently been reporting strange phenomena surrounding the Franklin Street Panera, seeing a slight increase with the seasonal release of its autumnal squash soup and strawberry…
UNC opens North Carolina Surgical Hospital: only problem is, it’s full of bees!
Earlier this year, UNC opened the North Carolina Surgical Hospital, a state-of-the-art facility built specifically for cutting-edge, life-saving surgeries. Now, several months after the grand opening, hospital staff are speaking…
ChatGPT to replace faculty in new honor court
After breaking an over century-long precedent of student leadership earlier this year, UNC’s Honor Court announced plans to continue shifting paradigms. Disappointed by the performance of the newly-appointed staff that…
Ranking the 8 Floors of Davis Library by Altitude
If you’ve ever spent any time on UNC’s campus, you have probably overheard this age-old debate circulating the campus community: Which floor of Davis Library is the farthest from the…
A Freshman’s Guide to Pooping
Calling all constipated freshmen! I’m here to help bring awareness to the most important question in your lives right now. Keep reading to learn more about the best and worst…
UNC Board of Trustees releases “Hark the Sound (Brainrot Edition)” to reach prospective Gen Alpha students
Following a meeting earlier this week, the UNC Board of Trustees released a statement outlining a new plan for reaching prospective students in Generation Alpha. The document, titled “Tar Heel…
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